Why are you so Clueless, Malfoy!
by Lilly flower forever
Summary: In which Janette, a Muggleborn Slytherin witch, explains to Draco all about various Muggle things because he just seems so FASCINATED by it all. Because, quite frankly, Draco has no clue what those things are ("What the hell is that thing!) Well, let's pretend he doesn't. Happy fanfiction anniversary Lightning!
1. Pencils and rubbers

Why are you so Clueless, Malfoy?!- Chapter one

Pencils and rubbers

 **Hey people! Its August 6** **th** **today so that means that it is Lightning's 1** **st** **anniversary of joining Fanfiction! To celebrate, I offered to write any story for him! Here is the result! It is a three-shot so the next two chapter will be out soon!**

 **Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing. I don't own Harry Potter and I do not own the words, I think they are government property. But I'm not sure. I simply borrowed the words and rearranged them to make this marvellous thing before you!**

… **..**

Draco was staring in curiosity at the Muggleborn witch who was fiddling with something in the Slytherin common room. Janette was a year below him and surprisingly had gotten sorted into Slytherin. After getting over his previous hatred (it might've had something to do with a nasty hex she threw at him after he called her something not so nice) he has realized she was a friendly young lady who was fun to be around.

She also happened to know many things that he did not and Draco was determined to learn all the foreign stuff that she knew.

But now he knew he had hit a dead end. Janette was holding this small white rectangle and rubbing it across her parchment, making the marks on it disappear. It was obviously some kind of magic. But how was she doing it? What spell had she placed on that white rectangle to make it do this? He needed to find out. "What the hell is that thing?!" Draco burst out suddenly.

She didn't even bat an eye. "It's a rubber, Malfoy." She responded without even looking up from her work.

Draco was bewildered. A rubber? "For what?!" he demanded.

"For pencils." She replied calmly.

Draco was very perplexed. "What's a pencil?"

It was then that Janette looked up at him, her face showing it all. "…You poor deprived child."

Draco scowled at her reference to him being a child. "What do they do?!"

Janette sighed but Draco could easily tell she was amused. "A pencil is like a quill, you write with it." She looked at him suspiciously. "You _do_ know what writing means, don't you?"

"Of course I do. I'm not stupid you know." It was then she looked at him disbelievingly.

"I beg to differ." She muttered under her breath.

"Sorry, what was that? I didn't hear?" Draco asked, frowning.

"Nothing. A rubber is what you use to get rid of the marks made by the pencil. Rubbers don't work on pen marks."

Draco narrowed his eyes at her. "First of, what, exactly, is the sort of Dark Magic this stuff is laced in?! And second, what's a pen?"

She gave him her famous are-you-serious? Look. "Something for me to know and for you to never find out."

… **..**

 **Well, that's the first chapter done! Next one shall be out in an hour or so! Stay tuned!**

 **And thanks to Tiff for the first couple of lines of dialogue.**

 **Hope you enjoyed it!**

 **Cookie for the Marauders21 coz it's his anniversary! (::)**

 **Reviewers will get cookies too.**


	2. Rubber ducks and tinsel

Why are you so Clueless, Malfoy?!- Chapter two

Rubber ducks and tinsel

 **And… I'm back! Welcome to the second episode of 'Why are you so Clueless, Malfoy?!'**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: Unfortunately, these things are necessary. Just believe me when I say, I do not own Harry Potter.**

… **..**

After his recent discovery of rubbers and pencils, Draco decided that Janette must have more handy useful things up her sleeve. And so, thus began the quest of Draco Malfoy to find out every Muggle trick in the book. Which is why, when he was just relaxing, he spotted a strange yellow thing in Janette's hand and proceeded to question her about it. "What's that?" He asked.

"Food." She casually replied, not paying much attention at all.

Draco looked confused as he squinted at the odd shaped object that she was holding. "What do you do with it?" Draco stupidly asked.

"Eat it." She said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Then why aren't you eating it?" He pointed out.

She gave him her look. "Because it's not food."

Now Draco looked even more confused. "But you just said it was food!" Draco protested.

Janette rolled her eyes. "No… I said it was a rubber duck." She said, drawing out her no.

Draco scowled. "What, pray tell, is a rubber duck?!"

"This." Janette replied, holding out the object in her palm.

"What do you do with it?" Draco asked again.

"All-duck-eating-avores might eat them but I don't really think it's edible. So what I am guessing is that it is used for bribing naughty little Draco's into having a bath by offering this as a reward." She replied nonchalantly.

Draco frowned. "I don't see how that works." He argued.

She shrugged. "I do."

Draco sighed. "Well what's the sparkly stuff?"

"Tinsel." Janette replied, dropping a piece of it onto his hair without him noticing it.

"What the hell is tinsel?" Draco demanded.

"It goes with baubles."

"I'm not even going to ask. I'll find someone else who knows about it." Draco muttered.

Janette grinned. "But why? Am I driving you insane?" She whined and pouted at him.

"Yeah, I guess there was a reason you were put into Slytherin. You are so frustrating."

"Oh well! I guess I won't be telling you of this _awesome_ communication device I have!"

"What? Come on, I deserve to know!"

"Not anymore!" Janette sing-songed, before skipping away. Draco scowled.

… **..**

 **I just realized that Draco probably** _ **does**_ **know about this stuff, but no matter! We shall just pretend that he has absolutely no idea what this stuff is! It makes it more fun and entertaining.**

 **Anyway, glad you are enjoying!**

 **Cookies to you lovely reviewers! (::) (::) (::) (::)**


	3. Phones and kisses

Why are you so Clueless, Malfoy?!- Chapter three

 **Hey guys! I am back with the third and final chapter of this story! I hope you all enjoy this chapter as well!**

 **Disclaimer: No, in the past hour or so, I have not received any phone calls, emails, etc. saying that I now own Harry Potter. So no, I still do not own it.**

… **..**

After their last encounter, Draco desperately wanted to know what the form of communication was that Janette had told him about. Which is why he was currently staring at her pulled out this small rectangle piece of metal and plastic. "Hello?" She said into it casually.

Draco looked curious. "Why are you talking into that thing?" Draco asked,

"Yes, its Janette here. I'm calling you to ask you to come drag Draco Malfoy away." She continued, oblivious to Draco right beside her.

Alarmed, Draco cried out, "What?!"

Janette nodded and continued talking into the rectangle. "Yes, you heard right. Draco Malfoy. He is sitting right next to me. He is the one with ridiculously blonde hair. What's he guilty of, you ask? Well, I suspect he bleached his hair." She said the last part in a loud stage whisper.

Draco looked very indignant. "Hey!" he protested.

Janette paused and acted like she was listening. "That's a crime, isn't it? Good. Well just lock him up in jail then! I won't mind."

"Huh?!" Draco looked paniced as he said this.

Janette smiled. "Ok, bye. See you soon." She then pocketed the metal thing and turned to Draco. "What were you saying Malfoy?" She asked sweetly.

"What the hell is that thing and what did you mean by 'drag him away and lock him up in jail'?!" Draco asked worriedly.

She laughed. "Relax Draco. It was a joke. No one is actually coming to lock you up in jail. This is a phone. Muggles use it to communicate." Janette explained and Draco looked visibly relieved.

"Oh good. You had me going there for a second. Can I look at the um… phone?" Draco asked curiously, over his initial wariness of the strange device.

"Sure." She said, handing over with a smirk.

Draco stared at it in fascination. He tapped the screen and the phone emitted a loud ringing sound. Draco gasped, dropping the phone and instinctively moving away from it. Janette laughed and picked the phone up. "Calm down Draco. It was only an alarm I set."

Draco frowned at the phone. "Don't like it."

"You don't have to."

"Oh. Well, do have any other things like that you could show me?" he asked.

Janette nodded. "Sure. There is heaps of stuff you still don't know about. Bloody purebloods, they are so unknowledgeable. Must be taught about every little thing." She muttered.

"Hey!" Draco protested and she shrugged.

"It's true. Don't deny it. But seriously though, you still have so much to learn! I can show you heaps more!"

Draco grinned. He was now officially on his way to knowing more that Janette! "Good!" he exclaimed. "I could just kiss you right now!" He added.

"Please don't." Janette replied dryly.

"Oh ok."

… **..**

 **And… it's done! Hope you guys all enjoyed!**

 **I like Janette.**

 **Cookies to my lovely reviewers and make sure you all say happy 1** **st** **fanfiction anniversary (Fanniversary, I think someone called it) to The Marauders21!**

 **(::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::)**


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